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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25259923">To Have and to Hold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wicked_writings/pseuds/HighHopes'>HighHopes (wicked_writings)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, I forgot to add plot, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Harry, Mummy Harry, There's a bit of anxiety on Harry's part, Wedding Planning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:36:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,980</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25259923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wicked_writings/pseuds/HighHopes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry, events planner extraordinaire, spends his days planning other peoples' weddings while secretly dreaming of his own. Too bad he's single. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Written for the prompt: 'Harry Edward Styles, single father with a gorgeous six year old daughter. He works in an event management company, his specialty wedding planning,with his own personal office with a team and all. He is Arya’s mummy as he gave birth to her when he was eighteen year old. With a loads of baggage from his past Harry is a strong person who is giving his all to make a perfect life for his daughter. They are the dynamic duo against the world. (The name for the child can be changed as per author’s wish and Louis and Harry pairing please thank you)'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Momrry Fic Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Have and to Hold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for the lovely person who submitted their prompt, and for anyone else who just feels like a little bit of plotless fluff!</p>
<p>To the Mods - bless you forever for this Fic Fest!! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry reckons the view from his office in the city centre isn’t bad, as far as views from offices go. He can see the Manchester Cathedral and beyond that to the River Irwell, with its red and white canal boats ferrying tourists down to Salford Quays. It’s a view he could stand to see more often, given that most days his schedule barely lets him see what sort of weather it is outside, let alone stop to enjoy the view.</p>
<p>One day, he thinks, he’ll take a moment just to watch the boats.</p>
<p>It never happens.</p>
<p>He usually starts working before he even gets to the office – there are emails to check, phone calls to take, appointments to schedule. Inevitably there’ll be a disaster of some sort, maybe a dress that’s ripped or a venue that’s mistakenly double-booked itself (he never, <em>ever</em>, wants a situation like that one again). He’s gotten used to working through whatever life wants to chuck at him, doing it for the brides and grooms who are counting on him making their day the most magical of their lives.</p>
<p>It’s a responsibility he takes very seriously, and one that’s given him a life he couldn’t have dreamt of just a few years ago. It lets him provide for himself and his daughter; lets him build a secure future for them. He thinks he’s one of the luckiest people on earth, and wouldn’t trade what he has for <em>anything.</em></p>
<p>Today he has a home visit with a new client in Stockport just after 9am, and since there’s no point in heading to the office first only to have to almost immediately turn around, he stays a little longer at home to spend time with the girl in his life. Arya is delighted that mummy gets to hang around, and has a cuddle with him in bed before they make blueberry pancakes for breakfast and watch Peppa Pig. Sometimes she insists that she’s too old for Peppa Pig and stops watching it for a while, but she always inevitably caves.</p>
<p>Afterwards, he packs her school bag and does her hair up in pigtails with the pink ribbons she chooses from her drawer. Harry’s glad that she likes the ribbons so much – he can’t stop himself from buying them, no matter how hard he tries. They have every colour of the rainbow and many in between.</p>
<p>Sammi, who works at the school as an aide and rents the little granny annexe at the back of their property from him, usually walks Arya to school so Harry can get to work on time. Today though, he gets to walk her down the road to the primary school himself. It’s a nice day to be out walking, hand in hand with the most important person in his life.</p>
<p>They talk about what she’s learning at school at the moment – the seasons, and the water cycle! - and the trip her class is taking to Chester Zoo next week. Harry’s already booked a day off so he can go with them and help supervise, and he tells her – in complete confidence, of course – that he’s looking forward to it just as much as she is.</p>
<p>“And you know what I really, really, <em>really</em> can’t wait to see?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“The sloths.”</p>
<p>“Like Sid?!”</p>
<p>“Like Sid.”</p>
<p>Arya wants to see the flamingos most of all. Harry thinks that’s a pretty good choice and almost reconsiders the sloths, but he’s rather attached to them.</p>
<p>“They’re lazy!” Arya points out.</p>
<p>“They’re not lazy, they’re just really slow. Like, really really really <em>really </em>slow.”</p>
<p>Arya giggles. “I wonder how long it would take <em>them</em> to walk to school!”</p>
<p>“Forever, I think!”</p>
<p>“And ever!”</p>
<p>“Have a wonderful day sweetheart,” he says at the school gate, and gives her the biggest hug that nearly doesn’t end. “I love you more than the world. Be as good as you always are, ok?”</p>
<p>“OK. I love you too mummy,” she says, and gives him a kiss before running off to find her friends. He watches her go, immensely proud of his gorgeous little girl and trying hard not to dwell on how quickly she’s growing up. He wishes he could stay, just to spend more time with her, but work pays the rent and puts food on the table, so he reluctantly walks back home, the world so much quieter and a little duller now that Arya isn’t with him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The meeting with his new clients in Stockport goes well. They want a complete service package with full planning, which means that he would need to organise every last detail of the wedding, right down to making sure the room temperature is just perfect on the day.</p>
<p>Far from being daunted, he’s excited. He loves his job – meeting his clients, learning what they like and dislike, helping them find the perfect venue, making sure everything is in place, watching them make the ultimate commitment to each other and knowing that he was a part of that process. It’s a privilege, and he feels very lucky.</p>
<p>It’s a job he fell into almost by accident, but these days he thinks of it more as some kind of divine intervention. Finding himself pregnant and alone at eighteen had never been part of his life plan, but it had happened and there hadn’t been a lot he could do, except what he could. While his friends (what were left of them, anyway) were either doing their A-levels or entering university, he was spending his mornings throwing up and his evenings as a waiter and server for a local caterer at various events.</p>
<p>It was good money considering the job, but somewhat inconsistent. Sometimes he’d get five gigs a week, other times just one or two. He had a baby to prepare for, and so he took a second job working for an events management company answering phones and making coffee and generally being a dogsbody. When he got too big to keep up with waiting tables, the events company was good enough to increase his hours, and even kept his job for him while he was on paternity leave.</p>
<p>When Arya was old enough for day care, he went back on fulltime hours. He missed her like crazy, and felt that he was being a terrible mother – he nearly quit more times than he could count. But he kept going for her, because he was going to give her a good life with all the good things, and to do that he needed to work.</p>
<p>Knowing that he was doing it for her kept him going and pushed him to work harder and learn more, so that he went from being an administrative assistant to an executive assistant, and then to a position as a junior staffer on the wedding planning team. He shadowed the more experienced planners and learned the tricks of the trades, developing contacts of his own and building up a portfolio he could show off to potential clients. As he got better, his jobs got bigger, and one day he found himself where he was now – with his own small team, and that office with the view of the River Irwell.</p>
<p>Divine intervention, indeed.</p>
<p>When he gets back to the office, he checks in with all the members of his team. Emma, who is now the admin assistant that he used to be, gets him up to speed on what’s happened while he was out, while Nick, who’s looking after one of their smaller clients, rants to him for a full 10 minutes about the Bridezilla who phoned him at 2am to tell him to change the caterer. Bridezilla’s wedding is next week.</p>
<p>Harry advises him to stand his ground, or there won’t be any food – they can’t possibly find another caterer at such short notice. He volunteers to talk to the bride directly, which seems to lower Nick’s heartrate enough to avoid the otherwise imminent prospect of a cardiac event.</p>
<p>Jennifer, their office manager, offers to make Nick’s coffee an Irish one. She hands over all the mail that came in for Harry that day, and tells him that she’s approved leave for Will at the end of the month. Will is shadowing Nick at the moment as he learns the ropes in the wedding planning business, and Harry notices that he has been staying well away from Nick while he has his minor breakdown over the Bridezilla. Poor Will appears to be almost delirious at the thought of a little time away.</p>
<p>He sips his own coffee slowly as he goes through the mail and what’s left in his inbox, before getting started on the proposal for his potential new clients. While he works, he glances up at the pictures of Arya on the wall above his desk, and her smile keeps him going.</p>
<p>Jennifer pops in with a plate of chocolate Digestives for morning tea, and he takes a few after realising how hungry he is. She nods towards to the nearly finished proposal on his desk. “More clients? How many do you think you can take on at once?”</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine, Jenn. I promise.”</p>
<p>“You work hard. When are you gonna put in <em>your</em> leave requests? Spend some time with that gorgeous daughter of yours. I won’t exactly say no, you know.”</p>
<p>“I know. And I’m saving to take her to Disneyland Paris in the summer, so I’ll take some time off then. She doesn’t know, so don’t tell her.” It’s a trip he’s been planning for a while, and he thinks he’s about as excited as she’s going to be when she finds out.</p>
<p>“My lips are sealed! Ohhh she’ll love it, what a lucky girl! And Paris is the city of love, you know. You ought to go looking while you’re there, if you know what I mean.”</p>
<p>Harry sighs and smiles. “We’re doing fine on our own, just the two of us.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know. The two of you against the world! And you’re pretty formidable, I’ll give you that. But you deserve a man who’ll look after you just the way you look after your little girl. Nothing wrong with that. We all wanna help plan your wedding too. I know you got ideas, H. Good ones, too.”</p>
<p>She gives his shoulder a quick rub, makes him take a couple more biscuits, and leaves him to think about the portfolio he’s kept just for himself, full of ideas for the day that <em>he </em>gets to walk down the aisle.  </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The morning passes quickly, and he finishes his proposal just before noon. He has a quick lunch at the café downstairs, before getting into his car and heading east of the city along the A635. He passes through Ashton-under-Lyne and then heads north east, towards the edge of the Peak District National Park. He takes the wrong turning a couple of times before getting on the right road, and slows down to look for the right driveway. There’s a beautiful wooden sign announcing the name of the estate – <em>Avebury</em> <em>Hall – </em>and he turns in carefully.</p>
<p>The sunlight falls in dapples over the driveway, filtering through the great trees that line either side of the drive right through to the sheep pastures that surround the hall. Silver birch, beech, poplars and oaks flash by, and having come from the hustle and bustle of the city, he finds the surroundings calming and peaceful almost straight away.</p>
<p>The professional side of him judges the quality of the fencing – <em>well maintained – </em>and of the driveway itself – <em>groomed, with no potholes – </em>and acknowledges that the woodlands have been carefully managed. So far, so good. It’s a first impression to be proud of.</p>
<p>The driveway widens before him, opening up to the imposing Grade II listed hall that gives its name to the estate. He slows to take it in with a critical eye, and finds himself pleased – the building itself has been carefully and meticulously restored, and the well-considered landscaping and gardens surrounding it enhance and compliment the hall, rather than taking away from it. He finds somewhere to park by a wonderful old carriage house, as beautifully restored as the hall.</p>
<p>There’s no one to greet him, but he’s not worried. A glance at his watch shows him that he’s slightly early, and he appreciates the opportunity for a quick look around before being swamped by a pushy events organiser eager to get a wedding planner on board. He’ll be one of the first, if he likes it well enough – Avebury Hall has only just opened to weddings after a number of years sitting derelict before being restored.</p>
<p>He’s distracted by the sweeping view from the driveway of green pastures and autumnal woodland that lead up to the remote moorland of Dark Peak when the great doors of the hall open behind him.</p>
<p>“Hello,” someone says. “Are you Harry?”</p>
<p>Harry spins around on his heel, boots digging into the gravel of the drive. “Yes! Hello. I’m Harry.”</p>
<p>The man who spoke steps out from behind the door onto the threshold and smiles at him. He’s slightly built with soft brown hair and a kind, handsome face that Harry, as a full-blooded human, very much appreciates. His smile is wonderful and sweet and goes right to <em>that</em> part of Harry’s tummy behind his belly button, giving him butterflies. Not that he’s complaining – it’s just that right <em>now</em> probably isn’t the best time to be in close quarters with someone who does things like that to him. “I’m Louis,” the good-looking man says. “It’s nice to meet you.”</p>
<p>Harry swallows back all the inappropriate things that come to his mind suddenly and settles for something polite. “And you. Thank you for letting me come visit.” He reaches out a hand to shake and hopes he hasn’t gone bright red. Louis’ handshake is firm and warm, and Harry, for a short second, contemplates not letting go, and it’s with much reluctance that he does. He’s supposed to be a<em> professional, </em>dammit. However, if he’s embarrassing himself Louis is far too polite to make note of it.</p>
<p>“Thank you for coming,” Louis says. “I’ll show you around today. Normally Julia is our events organiser, but she’s had a family emergency and had to leave. So I’m sorry if there are a few questions I might not be able to answer, but I’m sure Julia will be happy to help you when she can.”</p>
<p>Good looking men aside, normally this is a bit of a red flag for Harry. He’s at a new venue for the first time, sizing it up for its value to him as a potential location. His clients will pay enormous sums for just the right place, and often these venues depend on that money to keep up with the maintenance for these beautiful old buildings. There should be a symbiotic relationship to build between himself and the venue’s events organiser, and starting off with someone who might not understand just what he’s looking for and what he needs to know may put the whole thing onto the wrong footing from the start. He really likes this place too, and he wants it to work.</p>
<p>But there’s little one can do about a family emergency, and he takes a moment to hope that whatever it is, everyone is ok. He thinks of Arya and how frantic and frightened he would be if anything happened to her – <em>God forbid </em>– and he softens. “That’s fine, I hope everything is ok and I’m sure you’ll do a great job. I was wondering if you could tell me a little about Avebury Hall, and the team you have here?”</p>
<p>Louis, bless his beautiful blue eyes, doesn’t hesitate. He clearly loves the place, and it shows in his enthusiasm and knowledge. Harry might get a little lost in those eyes every now and again, but he’s pretty sure he’s not completely obvious and that Louis doesn’t notice.</p>
<p>Yep, pretty sure.</p>
<p>After showing him round the front of the property a little more thoroughly than Harry’s previous cursory look, they head inside. Harry tears his eyes away from Louis for a moment to take it all in, and just like he was about the outside of the property, he’s thoroughly impressed with the inside too. They have made what could have been a cold and imposing dark interior into something flooded with light and charm, and he follows Louis around like a child visiting Disneyland for the first time.</p>
<p>“I like it a lot,” he says breathlessly when they stop in the opulent library. He thinks he might be talking about both Louis and the hall.</p>
<p>Louis beams from the compliment, showing his pride. He’d told Harry how he’d first gotten involved with the estate – from volunteering to help clear the overgrown garden during his free time at university, to being a part-time employee in the gardens, and then full-time as a jack of all trades. Harry recognises the journey he’s taken to get to where he is – it mirrors his own markedly. He likes that they have this in common.</p>
<p>By the time the tour is over Louis has shown Harry all the accommodation – <em>beautifully decorated with comfortable beds – </em>as well as the drawing rooms, breakfast room, the bar – <em>can’t be faulted – </em>and the ceremony hall itself, which takes Harry’s breath away. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought it had come straight from the pages of the portfolio that he keeps for his own future wedding. It’s everything he ever wanted – stone walls, wooden floor, a tall ceiling with exposed rafters. The light fixtures are wrought iron, the chairs simple yet elegant.</p>
<p>Damn his clients, <em>he </em>wants to get married here!</p>
<p>“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Louis’ voice breaks into his fantasy.</p>
<p>“Just a little!”</p>
<p>Louis lets him take it all in for a while, and then once he’s seen everything, offers him a cup of tea in the kitchen. Harry likes to think he doesn’t offer it to everyone, but given Louis’s politeness and neat manners that’s probably untrue. He accepts, trying not to appear too eager.</p>
<p>Louis does his best to answer the rest of Harry’s questions over tea and biscuits, but some are just going to have to wait for Julia, the events organiser. Harry decides he can live with that. Perhaps he could arrange to come out a second time, for another viewing, just in case? Perhaps at a time Louis was working, maybe. That would be nice.</p>
<p>Harry keeps that thought to himself, in case Louis starts to think he’s a bit weird.</p>
<p>He lingers as long as he can, but eventually he has to concede that he needs to start heading back to the office and Louis needs to get back to his real job (this afternoon, he’ll be helping out in the garden – apparently the lavender needs pruning). He thanks Louis profusely, and can’t help but wonder as he’s driving away whether or not he really is going to see him again.</p>
<p>For a very long time he’s resigned himself to being single. He’s met a few men, all of whom bailed once they found out about Arya. He can’t blame them, but it’s a little frustrating – Arya is a great kid, and he’s not expecting a prospective partner to take on parenting duties. He’s doing a great job of that all by himself, thank you <em>very</em> much.</p>
<p>But he can’t deny that there are times that he wishes that he had that companionship, someone else there to wander through life with. His mum says he just has to be patient, that the right guy will come along at the right time, but sometimes he finds it hard to share his mum’s optimism. Should he go out more? Should he dress up more? Wear more make up? He didn’t even know what guys liked these days, and that made him nervous.</p>
<p>It wasn’t even about sex, even if he could admit that he could stand to have a little more of that. He watched as everyone else around him hooked up, got married, had kids. He’d done it all wrong – having a kid before finding the right guy and getting married. He’d gotten pregnant at 18 to a high school boyfriend who had fucked off the moment he found out, and who’d taken all of Harry’s friends and turned the rest of the form against him at the same time. It had all been rather shit.  </p>
<p>Some days, he felt like a failure.</p>
<p>Other days, he looked at his life and realised that despite all of the bad things, he’d managed to do something decent. Arya was flat out amazing, and that was all him. He had a good job, a nice house, savings. Things could be worse.</p>
<p>Look on the bright side, right?</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>A few days later, and he’s still thinking about Louis. This is problematic. He’s never been fixated on someone like this before, and it’s almost embarrassing – he’s 25, not 15! He keeps it to himself because this little crush of his just isn’t sustainable and will surely fade. Eventually.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, he keeps thinking of excuses to go back to Avebury Hall to see Louis again. Maybe he forgot something the last time he was there? Nah, considering the only thing he’d forgotten was his dignity that probably wouldn’t work. Maybe another tour? The first one was pretty extensive, and another tour would just be just going over the same thing. He’d look weird, and probably forgetful. What about staying a night in the accommodation, to ‘get a feel for it’? That one seems somewhat plausible, until he checks the website and sees that it’s well over £200 a night. He shelves that idea.</p>
<p>In the end it’s Avebury Hall itself that wants him back. Julia, the events organiser, phones him at work and apologises for missing their tour – her daughter had fallen ill at school. Harry knows all too well what that’s like, and tells her not to worry. She asks if he would like to meet with her – perhaps back at the hall, where they could go over the finer points at the venue itself. He eagerly accepts, and hopes his excitement isn’t as obvious over the phone as it appears to be to Jenn, hovering at his office door. He and Julia agree on a time and day, and Harry notices that Jenn makes no effort to leave.</p>
<p>“What is it?” he asks dryly after hanging up.</p>
<p>Jenn raises an eyebrow. There’s a smile on her face that doesn’t bode well for him. “You tell me. I’ve never seen you so excited about a venue before. It’s that new one, out near the Park, right? What’s it got then? A roller coaster? Whirlpool? Murder mystery evenings?”</p>
<p>Harry resists the urge to throw paper at her. “Nooo. It’s just nice, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p>“It is!”</p>
<p>“What’s his name, then?”</p>
<p>Harry groans. “Louis,” he says through the hands he’s thrown over his face.</p>
<p>“Ah. He cute then?”</p>
<p>“Yeahhhh.”</p>
<p>“Well, good for you then, love. It’s about time.”</p>
<p>“He barely knows who I am!”</p>
<p>“So? Give it time. Keep wearing those see-through blouses of yours. He’ll get to know ya, alright.”</p>
<p>Harry’s not sure Louis would be into the blouses. Maybe he’d think they were poncy. Maybe he doesn’t like guys? Maybe he’s married, with three kids and one on the way? Maybe this is all for nothing…</p>
<p>“Stop thinking, Harry.”</p>
<p>“Can’t help it!”</p>
<p>“Alright then. Appointment’s tomorrow, yeah? Do your hair up nice, put some of that fancy make up on, and don’t button your shirt up all the way. He won’t be able to resist.”</p>
<p>If only if it were that easy…! “I’ll try, Jenn.”</p>
<p>“That’s the spirit. Now, I need you to sign these off for me.” She waves a sheaf of papers at him at least three inches thick.</p>
<p>“I’m telling you Jenn, I’m not selling my soul to you!”</p>
<p>“Pffft. Contracts. I swear. C’mon, I made you a nice cup of tea and everything. Won’t take long.”</p>
<p>Harry wants to die.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>He feels like he shouldn’t, just for the principle of it, but he follows Jenn’s advice the next day and dresses nice. Arya helps him choose his clothes in the morning before school, though he doesn’t tell her the reason behind it – there are some things she doesn’t need to know about yet. She’s pretty good at judging his clothing choices, given that she’s blunt and not afraid to raise an eyebrow or two at his choices.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, they don’t match?”</p>
<p>“They just look bad together! Don’t do it, mummy. Find something else.”</p>
<p>Harry puts the pink and purple blouse back in the closet and pulls out a Hawaiian shirt decorated with vintage cars. He’s barely started to take it off the hanger when Arya gasps in shock.</p>
<p>“Eww!”</p>
<p>“Ok then!” It goes back on the hook.</p>
<p>Eventually they (she) settles on a black and white blouse (a few buttons left undone) and skinny black pants with black patent leather boots. Arya pronounces him fit to leave the house, which is very nice of her. She watches him do his makeup and tame his hair, and tells him he looks “very pretty” (he preens). Harry tells her that’s why<em> she’s </em>so pretty – it all came from him (he’s not wrong, really. He’d thought Jordan was good-looking at the time, but hindsight is always 20/20).  </p>
<p>Sammi drops in to take her to school, and does a double take when she sees him dressed up. “Fancy occasion?” she asks.</p>
<p>Harry hesitates, before opting for the truth. “A guy.”</p>
<p>Sammi breaks into a grin. “Nice! He’d be mad to not think you were hot.”</p>
<p>Harry hopes so. He kisses Arya goodbye and promises to pick her up from school at 3.15pm on the dot – it’s a Friday, and when he can he finishes early. They spend the afternoons together doing what they feel like, before making pizza and watching movies. It’s an excellent way to chill out after a stressful week. He’s already looking forward to it.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It’s not until he’s in the car halfway to the hall that he starts to panic. What if Louis isn’t there at all? Or what if he is and he thinks Harry is stupidly overdressed? What if Julia thinks he’s overdressed and thinks he’s being unprofessional? What if he makes a fool of himself???</p>
<p>He has to stop for a coffee just to calm his nerves.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Julia’s waiting for him when he arrives. She introduces herself breathlessly the moment he’s out of the car and promptly offers him a scone smeared with cream and jam. He likes her immediately. She’s unorthodox, but brings yummy treats. They chat as they wander inside the hall, mainly about mutual friends in the industry with a little bit of gossip mixed in. It’s not until they reach the kitchen that Harry remembers about Louis, which is a bit of a shock, considering that Louis has been pretty much all Harry can think about lately.</p>
<p>He’s having this realisation in the middle of the kitchen, fingers on one hand still smeared with cream from the scone, when something Julia is saying makes start.</p>
<p>“… and I heard young Louis here did an excellent job of showing you round, might be trying to steal my job mind, goodness knows he’d probably be good at it too… milk in your tea, love?”</p>
<p>He stutters out a yes before waving pathetically at Louis, who is sat at the table with his own steaming cup of tea in front of him. “Hello Louis,” he says, and wants the earth to <em>please </em>swallow him up. He ought to be composed, funny, pretty, and witty, and instead he’s standing here with cream on his fingers and a hairdo that’s been rearranged by the wind.</p>
<p>“Hi Harry, nice to see you again,” Louis says, composed and sweet and good–looking and <em>oh </em>that smile…</p>
<p>He’s saved by Julia, who has a cup of tea waiting for him. He dashes to the sink and rinses off his hand, subtly checking his shirt and his mouth to make sure he hasn’t anymore cream or jam smeared  where it shouldn’t be.</p>
<p>To his horror Julia goes to sit down with Louis. While he was really really <em>really </em>hoping to “bump into” Louis today he isn’t prepared at all to have to sit and make conversation – if he’d known it was going to be like this he would have practised, thought of some intelligent things to say, perhaps come up with a few jokes to make Louis laugh and see that grin that makes his face shine.</p>
<p>He wonders if it’s too late to fake an emergency.</p>
<p>There’s nothing for it but to sit down next to Julia, across the table from Louis. Thankfully for him, Julie takes the lead and he doesn’t find himself put on the spot. He eases into it, and tries hard not to try hard. What matters is that he gets his wedding planning questions answered, and a few things cleared up about how events are run here, and gets to learn a little more about Louis, which, <em>bonus.</em> He learns while they are discussing the estate that Louis is single (!!) and lives with his dog Clifford in one of the old cottages, which he’s slowly renovating in his spare time.</p>
<p>And all along the way he gets to stare a little more at Louis and confirms that <em>yes</em> Louis is normally just as sweet and kind as he was the first time they met. It’s reassuring.</p>
<p>And much like the first time, it’s over all too soon. A full hour has passed, and Harry has another appointment in 30 minutes so he can’t stay. Louis and Julia walk him out to his car, and to Louis’ seeming embarrassment, Julia seems intent on talking about him.</p>
<p>“We can thank Louis for how good this place looks, you know. It was a right jungle not that long ago. Plants and weeds everywhere. Now look at it! Magnificent!”</p>
<p>Louis is so red in the face Harry’s pretty sure he’s about to combust. He’s clearly not the type to revel in his accomplishments, and Harry finds it ridiculously endearing – along with just about all of the rest of him.</p>
<p>“The gardens do look amazing. They’re one of my favourite things about this place,” Harry says, partly to appease Julia and partly to see if Louis can go even redder. Apparently, he can.</p>
<p>Julia looks delighted at his praise. “See, love?” She pokes Louis in the shoulder. “All those hours! It all pays off!”</p>
<p>Harry stifles a giggle. He feels for Louis, so changes the subject by offering a handshake to Julia. “Thank you for today, I really appreciate you taking the time to meet with me. And you too Louis, it was nice seeing you again.” He gets to shake Louis’ hand again, and it sends tingles through him. He wishes he didn’t have to let go.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome darling,” Julia says. “You come back anytime you like!”</p>
<p>Harry wonders how literally he can take that statement.  </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>That afternoon, he keeps his word and leaves work early to pick up Arya from school. She already knows what she wants them to do that afternoon – bake chocolate cupcakes. Harry suspects she might want to eat them more than she wants to bake them, but he loves baking and is quite happy to indulge her.</p>
<p>They tell each other about their day while they mix the ingredients together. Arya’s class is learning all about different kinds of animals in preparation for their trip to the zoo next week, and she recites an entire list to Harry.</p>
<p>“And yaks and antelopers!”</p>
<p>“Antelopes?”</p>
<p>“Antelopes!”</p>
<p>“And are your favourite animals still flamingos?”</p>
<p>“Yup!” Arya nods her head vigorously. “And red pandas! They have really fluffy tails.”</p>
<p>“I think there are some at the zoo, you might get to see them next week!”</p>
<p>She beams at him, one cheek smeared with cocoa. Then she’s quiet for a moment, and Harry wonders what’s coming.</p>
<p>“Mummy, did you know Miss Massie is having a baby?”</p>
<p>“No sweetie, I didn’t know.” He’s not even sure how <em>she</em> knows – Miss Massie teaches a much older classroom.</p>
<p>“She is. She has a big tummy. Lizzie said she said it’s going to be a boy.”</p>
<p>“Well that’s nice for her, isn’t it?” Harry is well aware that this isn’t the end of the story.</p>
<p>“Yes.” There’s a pause as Arya licks the spoon she’s been using to mix with. “Mummy, are you going to have a baby?”</p>
<p>Harry wonders if he’s been eating too many muffins. “No sweetheart. Mummy doesn’t have a baby in his tummy at the moment.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She sounds a little disappointed, which just won’t do.</p>
<p>“Arya? Do you want mummy to have a baby?”</p>
<p>She suddenly looks a little shy, which is very unlike her. “Maybe?”</p>
<p>Harry swallows down the influx of emotions this causes. He can’t deny that sometimes he looks at other people’s babies and <em>wants,</em> his arms and belly suddenly feeling empty. It’s not something he can articulate to her though, not something that he can explain to a six year old.</p>
<p>“One day. Just not right now.”</p>
<p>“One day?” She perks up, her smile back.</p>
<p>“Yes. Mummy would really like another baby one day.”</p>
<p>“And I’d get a brother or a sister?”</p>
<p>“Yes – would you like that?”</p>
<p>She nods, her eyes lit up. Harry looks at her and remembers everything that he went through for her, and how it was all worth it. He wonders what it would be like to go through it again, this time without the challenges and obstructions he faced with her – to be able to experience it all without fear. He’d like that.</p>
<p>“One day, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Try as he might, he can’t get Louis off his mind. He’s only met him twice, and really, barely knows him. But there was something about him that just seemed <em>right – </em>like Harry had been looking for something intangible for a long time and finally found it. So it feels almost cruel that his chance to keep seeing him is taken away.</p>
<p>His Stockport clients accept his planning proposal but turn down Avebury Hall, opting instead for something a little more rural. He finds another venue for them that delights them, which would normally be a thrill, but he still feels disappointed that he has no upcoming weddings scheduled for the hall.</p>
<p>Life continues, if a little less sweet. He accompanies Arya’s class to the zoo and quite frankly has a fabulous time – he gets to spend more time with his beautiful daughter <em>and</em> gets to see the animals. Several other mothers come along as helpers, though he’s the only man. He knows that’s not the only reason he sticks out. He’s so much younger than the other mothers that he doesn’t really fit in with them, preferring to sit with Arya at lunch and talk about the animals with her and her friends.</p>
<p>The other mothers all have husbands and other children and BMW SUVs and houses they own. He’s a single mum renting a house and paying off the loan on a Ford. They are all housewives – he’s the only one who works. It’s a disparity that unnerves him, but he tries not to let it get to him. He might be a single working mum, but at least he doesn’t sit on his arse all day folding washing and gossiping. Not that he’d say that to them, of course. Better not to even go there.</p>
<p>He walks Arya home later that day, hand in hand, and they jump into all the puddles they see. He attempts to forget about the other mothers, and the things they have that he doesn’t, and thinks about how he has the most wonderful, gorgeous child in the world, and how together they are pretty fucking <em>awesome</em>.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Jenn picks up his post-Louis melancholy. She brings an entire tray of chocolate creams into his office one day, shuts the door, and makes him talk. He thinks he has nothing to say, that quite frankly the whole thing is a little silly, but Jenn, with her creams and her persistence, opens him up. Everything that’s been hiding inside and that he’s refused to acknowledge - it all comes out: his unreciprocated crush on Louis and his inability to stop thinking about him, the feelings of inadequacy as a mum that the zoo trip imposed on him, his worries about the future and being a single mum forever, his empty belly, and his fear that somehow, he’s unlovable.</p>
<p>At some point he starts to cry, completely unbidden. All of this was supposed to stay inside where no-one could see it, where no-one could take it and use it to hurt him. He trusts Jenn implicitly, but he feels vulnerable and upset, like it’s so much more real now that it’s been said. She lets him talk and cry, wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him close. He realises that it’s been a very long time since anyone touched him like that, platonically or otherwise, and he understands now how the lack of it has hurt him.</p>
<p>When there’s nothing more he can say she reassures him, tells him there’s nothing wrong with anything that he’s feeling and that, quite frankly, he’s a bit of an idiot for keeping all of it bottled up for so long.</p>
<p>“And darling? You are most definitely NOT unlovable. I don’t know what that wankjob of a deadbeat father did to you and Arya, but you absolutely deserve love, and affection, and respect, and everything else that comes with it. You are one of the nicest, kindest, sweetest people I have ever met and you are a wonderful mum. And I feel privileged to have you as a friend and a work colleague.”</p>
<p>That makes him cry a little more, but in a better way than before. She gives him a very long hug and makes him eat all of the chocolate creams. They spend another hour chatting, about big issues and small ones as well, and it’s as good as a therapy session. At the end, Jenn has a suggestion for him.</p>
<p>“Pub quiz night.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Quiz night! At my local. Tonight. I find us another couple of people to make a team, we all get smashed and give really terrible answers and I let us both get away with coming in a little later tomorrow morning. Sound like a plan?”</p>
<p>To be honest, it sounds bloody fantastic. “If I can find a babysitter, you’re on.”</p>
<p>Jenn looks delighted.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Sammi agrees to babysit all night, bless her. Harry dresses warm and heads off to meet Jenn at her local – it’s called The Screaming Donkey, which tickles his fancy no end. The pub is busy, full of patrons settling in for the quiz night, and it takes him a while to spot her. She’s with a couple of other people, the ones she’s rustled up for the night to join their team. Harry’s all up for meeting new people, so he’s not worried.</p>
<p>Until he gets to the table, and realises that two people that Jenn has recruited are Julia and Louis. He’s not sure what she’s playing at and now is just not the time to ask, so he sits down dumbly at the only free seat – right next to Louis.</p>
<p>“Can I get ya a drink, love?” Jenn asks, and hurries off to the bar without even asking what he wants. Thankfully Julia seems unperturbed and launches at him for a quick hug, best as they can manage in a crowded pub.</p>
<p>“It’s so good to see you again!” Julia gushes, her kind face comforting. Harry starts to think he can do this, until Louis speaks up.</p>
<p>“Hi Harry.”</p>
<p>“Hi Louis. It’s nice to see you guys again.” The words coming out of his mouth sound normal and steady, but inside, everything is in turmoil. Jenn had done this deliberately, but why? She knew how he felt about Louis and yet was happy to shove him in his face, as if to remind him of what he couldn’t have. It was all a bit of a mess really.</p>
<p>The thing is, Louis looks <em>good.</em> It’s the first time Harry’s seen him out of work clothes, and the man can dress. In comparison, Harry feels sloppy and underdressed. He’d thrown on some old winter clothes and did his long hair up in a quick bun that he can already feel coming undone. This isn’t how he would like to see Louis again.</p>
<p>Jenn comes back with a rum and coke for him, which he accepts gratefully because he’s pretty sure alcohol is going to be the only thing getting him through tonight. He tries to stare daggers at Jenn, but she’s not looking at him, probably deliberately.</p>
<p>Before they can stutter into small talk, the emcee gets on the mike and calls the pub to order. Harry’s never done a pub quiz before, but it all seems reasonably straightforward. He has little opportunity to dwell on his sudden circumstances before being thrust into it.</p>
<p>To his utter relief, he doesn’t make a fool of himself - he even manages to get a few tricky questions right. For once, it seems like things are going ok. But all evening he can feel Louis’ presence right next to him, and he feels drawn to him. He wants to touch him, to look at him without having to stop, to be able to talk to him all night about everything and anything and then go home with him. He wants so much, and it’s agony to know it’s just a pipe dream.</p>
<p>All he wanted was a decent night out, and what he got instead was teenage longing. He’s going to kill Jenn.</p>
<p>At some point during the night, Louis starts to talk to him. Not in the context of the quiz, but a conversation of their own. He seems a little shy, which Harry can relate to, and they keep it going as if to give each other encouragement. This is… kinda nice. The alcohol helps.</p>
<p>Harry’s not sure what the final score is. He knows they didn’t win, or even place in the top three, which is fine. He doesn’t care. Louis is paying him attention, just <em>him</em>, and it’s so so lovely. Maybe he won’t kill Jenn after all.</p>
<p>The pub starts to empty after the quiz is done, and Harry is aware that he has a babysitter that he needs to relieve. He doesn’t want to stop talking with Louis, because even though it’s all silly stuff – work, wedding planning, the footy, the fucking <em>weather</em> – it’s just the two of them.</p>
<p>They make their way slowly out, and Harry doesn’t want this to end, doesn’t want it to stop. He can feel Louis beside him as they walk, so close and at the same time so far. He’s startled when, once they are outside, Louis tugs nervously at the sleeve of Harry’s coat.</p>
<p>“Um, Harry?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I was wondering… if maybe you’d want to do this again?” Louis is nervous, and the world has ceased to exist beyond the two of them.</p>
<p>“More quizzes?” Harry is about to practically shout ‘yes’, because anything, a<em>nything</em> to see Louis again.</p>
<p>“Well if you want to? But I was thinking… maybe just us?” Louis’ voice shakes, and his blue eyes are wide and anxious.</p>
<p>It takes him a moment to realise. Something inside him breaks open. “Like… a date?” he practically whispers.</p>
<p>Louis nods. “I mean, if you like, I would… really…”</p>
<p>“Yes.” The word comes out of Harry before he can stop it. He’s pretty sure he’s dreaming, and he’s going to wake up disappointed and angry that it isn’t real.</p>
<p>But Louis’ smile is dazzling. “Brilliant. That’s awesome. I really wanna see you again.”</p>
<p>Harry’s going to burst. This isn’t a dream. He isn’t going to just wake up. Louis wants to go on a date, wants to spend time with him, wants to… There’s just so much. Harry can barely think.</p>
<p>He wonders what Arya would think of Louis. He thinks she’d like him a lot. He hopes Louis would like her too.</p>
<p>The thought stops everything. He feels like someone’s upended a bucket of water on him. Louis doesn’t know he has a child. This could be a deal breaker for him – god knows it was for a lot of other men. He thinks the world of Louis, has a crush the size of Texas, but if he had to choose – Arya comes first every time.</p>
<p>Louis seems to realise that something is wrong. “Is everything ok?” he asks, concerned.</p>
<p>“I – yeah. Sorry. Ummm… there’s something you should know, if you wanna see me again.” It’s the hardest thing Harry has ever said. He hates this. It isn’t fair.</p>
<p>“What?” Louis is so patient, so sweet, and this isn’t fair.</p>
<p>“I have a daughter. We’re kind of a package deal. I just thought you should know, in case you don’t like…” Harry stumbles. He doesn’t want to voice it out loud, in case it becomes reality.</p>
<p>“In case I don’t like kids?” Louis asks softly. He doesn’t look like he’s about to run off screaming, but Harry also knows that sometimes men like to voice their concerns later over text instead, where they don’t have to look him in the eye.</p>
<p>Harry nods. “Some people don’t, it’s ok.” It’s not ok really, not for him.</p>
<p>Louis smiles. “I like kids. I have 7 younger brothers and sisters. And I already knew you had a daughter. It doesn’t bother me at all.”</p>
<p>Harry’s world is upending. Louis doesn’t mind he has a daughter. It’s alright. Everything’s alright. He already knew… <em>he already knew?</em> Harry knows he’s never mentioned Arya to either Louis or Julia.</p>
<p>His confusion must show on his face, because Louis nods towards Jenn and Julia, standing away from them and chatting quietly. “You know they’re kinda thick as thieves, right?”</p>
<p>“What?!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, known each other for years. Didn’t Jenn say?”</p>
<p>No, no she did not. Harry’s back to killing her. He suddenly realises that she’s set this up, deliberately. Yes, death is appropriate. “Not a word,” he says through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>“Oh. Interesting. Well, still keen for a date?”</p>
<p>Harry giggles. He has no choice. This whole night – no, this whole <em>day </em>– has been crazy weird. He’d started it in tears, and he’s ending it on a high, a massive one.</p>
<p>Louis likes him. Louis would like to see him again. <em>Louis asked him on a date.</em></p>
<p>Oh god. Harry’s gonna <em>die.</em></p>
<p>“Yes. I really, really am.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>One year later, Louis’ cottage at Avebury Hall becomes their new home. Arya’s reciprocated adoration of Louis extends to the estate, and she spends her evenings playing with Clifford in the fields and the summers climbing the trees.  </p>
<p>Two years later, there’s a baby in Harry’s belly. He appreciates every minute of his pregnancy, even the bad ones, because he gets to experience it without fear.</p>
<p>Three years later, Harry says <em>yes.</em></p>
<p>He gets to pull open his own wedding portfolio, the one he started so long ago. He gets to choose his own decorations, his own caterer, his own bridal party, the suit he’ll wear and the vows he’ll speak.</p>
<p>He asks his partner-in-crime to be his flower girl. Arya says yes, and they choose the flowers together.</p>
<p>His mum holds their baby boy as they stand together at the altar, their little family only just beginning.</p>
<p>Finally, Harry gets to be the one to say <em>I do.</em></p>
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